Promise Not to Laugh?

In my life, I know that I have one, solid, epic story to tell- for many years I referred to it as my Magnum Opus (m.o. from here on out). Yet for years, nearly a decade, I've been reluctant to put pen on paper, and bang it out. Why? Asides from the traditional excuses around not enough time, work etc. I believe the real reason is that, well, I've been afraid.

Afraid? Now that seems so irrational and illogical (most fears are), how can someone be afraid about an idea? Here's how bad it is- I'm reluctant to even discuss the idea. Forget about writing it. So I asked myself, why? Why do I have this holistic resistance to the m.o?

A couple of weeks ago, I thought I had found a 'safe' person to tell-

• I don't see this person on a regular basis (technically I haven't seen her since, jesus, 1994)
• We share purely asynchronous electronic contact (email- have not graduated to instant messaging, much less *shudder* telephonic contact)
• She is well-read and opinionated- solid credentials for a budding critic

I remember asking her, "If I tell you, do you promise not to laugh?". Here was a perfect person to listen to the idea, and hopefully, provide a fair assessment of it...but I couldn't do it. I balked. Why? Why am I so concerned what she, or anyone for that matter, will think about the m.o.?

Initially, I thought it had to do with a fear of public humiliation, however now I realize it's much more than that (isn't it always?)

Imagine having something that you hold precious, in great esteem, and value. You naturally want others to do the same. And if they don't, somehow that's a reflection of your lack of judgment, the poverty of your creative spirit, and with one dismissive critique, your greatest failures are magnified. It's the classic conflict of man vs. himself and, in this case, man vs. society. For me- it's just not the fear of an idea, it's the fear of an idea not being loved as much.

So what prompted this entry? Well, ironically, I came across a friend's blog (which shall remain nameless), and the very first, original, entry is titled: "As long as you promise not to laugh". Ha! A common ailment in all aspiring writers, I guess?

Well, today we make a difference, as Captain Picard famously said in First Contact:

"We've made too many compromises already; too many retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!"

So, I'm going to take the first step and get past my fear today. We'll hold hands, and take this step together, and having said that here's the basic premise for the M.O:

I've always enjoyed books that are centered in a specific time period, and manage to capture all the nuances of that time in its characters- from dress, conventional wisdom, cultural norms, and political intricacies. I'd like to replicate that in my story. The story arc will center on two conflicts man vs. man and man vs. himself.

Ok. I think that was good first step. Phew. That was scary. More later on the specific elements of the story- I, first, have to rebuild my reserve of bravado and, Picard-inspired, fury!