The Modern Executive

I remember a time when business executives were the epitome of class. My father, who possibly is the best dressed person I know, wore bespoke suits to the office- pin stripes, French silk ties, and cufflinks were the norm. The modern executive, at least in the US, is a poor facsimile of yesteryears. Case in point:

I'm writing this post from SFO (i.e. San Francisco Airport) and I saw an prime example of the 'modern' exec (a.k.a. Donkey Kong- that's what he reminded me of):

- Bluetooth wireless headset attached to his ear
- Gut hanging out over his belt
- Wearing beige Dockers
- Tasseled loafers
- A brown 'weave' belt (wtf is up with those??)
- XXXL polo shirt- with corporate logo
- Talking way too loud

So here's the scene: I'm at SFO and look at the long check-in line, secretly I'm glad I decided to show up to the airport 2 hours* before my flight to Pittsburgh, and I realize that none of the drones in line are using the self-service check-in! What idiots. Anyways I bypass the line and just go to a kiosk and start the check in process:

- swipe ID
- see that airline has f9cked up my seat requests
- choose exit rows where available- unless it's the middle 'bitch' seat, in which case opt for window (remember the aisle seat fallacy!)

It was during the touch screen check-in process that I spied Mr. Donkey Kong Executive on my right. He had followed my lead and found his way to an open kiosk, however he was in the midst of a Gordon Gecko-style discussion on the phone. I, of course, decided to indulge in my new favorite habit i.e. eavesdropping [yes I an Audio Voyeur as well :)] - not that it was really hard...DK was speaking loud enough for half the terminal to hear him, he was LOUD. However, even though I was already laughing (inside) at his ridiculous persona, nothing could prepare me for what was coming next- excerpt from DK's conversation:

"I ALWAYS BEAT CISCO"
" YOU LET ME INTO THAT DEAL"
" YEAH YOU'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO"
" WHAT? IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?"
" I'LL BURY THE COCKAROACHES!!!"

KH's simultaneous real time thought: "Jesus Christ, did he just say I'lll burrry thosa kakaroaches??? Awesome!"

What enhances the awesomeness is that he said it in all seriousness and he did a faux Tony Montana accent. This guy is my hero**. He sounded like Al Pacino's retarded little cousin. Anyways, ladies and gents, I present to you...the modern American Executive. Jesus.

PS- I'm headed to Pittsburgh for a family reunion this weekend, so my posts will be intermittent. But fear not! I'll make sure to document all cool stories and observations for your reading pleasure. As an aside, you what's really cool about Pennsylvania? It has a lot of trees (I like trees- yaay trees) and in the fall, when you're driving on the highway, you'll see every shade yellow, orange, and red. In the summer, the trees look like broccoli, no seriously they do!

*I have extreme going-to-miss-my-flight paranoia- yeah I know I need help :)
** Not really of course :)