Don't Mind Me- I'm Invisible

Everyone's had experiences that has lead them to wish they could press the handy 'Invisibility' button on their utility belt* and -poof!- vanish. An incident today had me wishing 'invisibility now...':

After a long day at work, I stopped by the grocery store to quickly replenish some basics. Now my local grocery store, in their infinite grocery wisdom, has decided to completely re-order everything. So the protein bars (breakfast) aren't located next to the 'Asian Food' aisle (which, albeit illogical to begin with, is the pattern imprinted in my mind), the cheese has moved near the fruit, and I still haven't found the dishwasher detergent. So what I had hoped would be a brief 10 minute excursion became a 45 minute ordeal which saw me circling the store like a goldfish in a glass bowl. It was in search of the ever elusive, still hiding, mysterious dishwasher detergent, that I walked straight into the midst of a serious, murderous, marital 'spat'. Actually the word 'spat' doesn't do it justice, it was the World War III + Holyfield vs. Tyson equivalent of martial genocide. By the time I realized what was going on I found myself planted right in front of the, uh, tampons. The couple looked over at me, paused, and without missing a beat, resumed their mutually acerbic tirade. In the mean time, I was rooted in position (I'm invisible, I don't really exist), staring at the damn** tampons/pads, which suddenly had assumed an interesting, compelling, and hypnotic quality. Overheard:

" You NEVER let ME spend ANY f9cking money!"
" You've been f2cking bitching all week!"
" What the f8ck is your problem? How dare you talk to me like that!"
" You're CRAZY, just f2cking go ask him!"

Go ask him? Did he just say go ask him? Surely he can't be talking about me? I'm invisible remember?! Plus who the hell am I to take sides? Who the hell am I to impartially and unequivocally confirm that she, indeed, was being psychotic? And that he, with bulging neck veins, was a wayward blink from a combo aneurysm + coronary? I'm just a regular joe, standing here in my work clothes*** staring at this vast, bountiful selection of, uh, tampons. Oh look this brand comes with 'wings', how innovative! Sanitary napkin technology has improved so much! Look at all these choices! Goddamn I wish I was invisible!

Anyways, after a few more 'f3cking this' and 'f5cking that' they managed to reach a compromise (or more likely, a stalemate). What was the fight about you ask? Well HE wanted to buy this 'expensive' deodorant, and SHE wouldn't let him. That was it, a fight over goddamn deodorant ($4.99). What the hell is wrong with people?

Final thoughts- Witnessing this incident lead me to wonder: Why do marriages fail? What happens to the love? Is that what 'the end' sounds like? A public fight in the middle of the 'Personal Care' aisle over deodorant? Coming from someone who leads a largely solitary existence, this will sound biased, however- I think it's healthy for any relationship to maintain a bit of separation. If you're constantly in each other's grill, it's bound to cause problems. Why? Well no one's perfect, and we all have good days and bad days. I've always said that it's the small things that make a big difference, and humans, in general, tend to remember negative memories far more vividly than positive ones. Personally I don't see the civility and benefit in SCREAMING as a preferred method of communication, however not all people and thought processes are as evolved. Never lose respect for each other. Respect is one commodity, in my opinion, that is very difficult to earn and terribly easy to squander. How sad.

* Who wears utility belts? No one except for Batman. Batman is a bored billionaire who likes to dress funny and has nightmares about Mommy and Daddy. Batman, basically, sucks. I cede the point that Batman Begins was great (it was).
** I was going to say 'bloody' when I realized that would be an unfortunate, and poor, choice of adjective when discussing, uh, tampons
***Grey collared shirt, black cashmere v-neck sweater, dark blue jeans, and black monk-strap loafers (insert snarky 'gay' comment here- go ahead I know that's what you're thinking) :)