Clarity

I'm in Las Vegas, waiting for my connection to SF. This trip provided me with a good opportunity to assess where I stand in terms of my life goals and where I want to be. It's funny, but when the plane takes off, I find that time to be quite hypnotic. Staring out the window, all those little lights blinking in the distance.

One of the things I realized is that I need to further simplify my life. As you probably know by now, my life is fairly spartan and minimal. That is by design. However there is room for improvement. Not just physical improvement, but one that focuses on clarity of thought. The emotional baggage I've carried around is an encumbrance and I'm better served by a clear mind. More importantly the lessons from past mistakes have been learned and memorized and there's no need to carry the pain or acknowledge the scars. It's over.

Reaching my goals in life has been akin to a rocket launch. Escaping earthly gravity requires tremendous energy and effort- similarly my first efforts were fueled by fear and, in some ways, anger. I was out to prove myself, and with the exuberance that is saddled in youth, carried around more than a slight chip on my shoulder. However I've come to realize that I've reached a crossroads of sorts, my 20s are complete, and this rocket, thankfully, has locked into orbit.

As I begin my 30s in earnest, I realize that my previous tactics will not suffice. Previous sources of motivation such as anger, frustration, and vengeance are no longer relevant as that part of my life is over. The sources of contempt that bred such furious anger have finally been conquered and I managed to vanquish those demons of iniquity.

As I survey my future and the road ahead, my battle plan requires that I, now, shift my attention to taming my impulsiveness nature. Vengeance and bravado must make way for precision, cold judgment*, a deft touch, and accuracy. The first step, though, is clarity of mind. The change requires that I streamline my life, as I move faster and faster till I become a blur of energy, speeding towards tomorrow.

*The transformation is an ongoing process and I realize that I risk losing the human element. Consciously or not, my trepidation is predicated on losing the common touch which has always defined me. Perhaps it's time for me to seek balance, and find someone who keeps me in check? Perhaps. Unlikely, but, perhaps.