The Good Face

So I've re-established contact with many friends from high school with the help of facebook. The process has been uniquely gratifying because in the 13 years since high school (I realize I date myself) I've moved 6 times across 3 countries and 5 cities, thinking that many of these friendships were lost to memory. So, as you can imagine, it's been tremendous to rediscover old friendships and reconnect with long lost comrades. However, a recent interaction left me, me of all people, speechless.

This will sound very high-school (and it is):

A friend of mine, who I always thought was really cute, told me yesterday that she had the biggest crush on me in high school.

Now that, in of itself, isn't a big deal (at least not now). It's just that Kal El 2007 is very different from Kal El 1994. I mean I was skinny, goofy and, like many teenagers, lacking in self-confidence. I couldn't really imagine a girl, especially not one that hot, liking me then.

Thinking back, I think part of what worked (completely inadvertently I might add), was that I was just myself i.e. had I known she liked me, my behavior would've been tainted/altered; I would've attempted to morph into somebody I thought she'd want to me to be like. Being yourself isn't as easy as it sounds because when you're a teenager you're still trying to figure who heck that person is!

Yes I admit, it was flattering when she said that Kal El 2007 was quite handsome (!). Looking back I guess the basic elements were there, and over the years they've been polished or refined. To be completely honest I'm still somewhat shy, goofy at times, and easily embarrassed. The difference is that I have a better sense of who I am, a greater sense of purpose, and have achieved a measure of self-confidence- my life experiences have taught me that, these are qualities I've earned the hard way. There is also an element of intensity and depth one acquires- thanks to the School of Hard Knocks.

Ironically she's not the first girl, who retroactively, has admitted a crush on me. She is, honestly, probably the fourth. I'm not sure what it is that makes these girls realize now that they liked me, and wish how things may have been 'different' had they acted on previous emotions- not in this particular case, but there have been past conversations around, 'Oh if you were part of my life then...' I can't say that I find this reassuring or the least bit pleasing. In fact, it's disheartening. Perhaps they are miserable and wonder 'what could've been'?

I'll be honest, and this will sound arrogant- but it's not, I suffer from the 'good face'. I just can't manage to look evil, bad, or even the least bit threatening. I have small ears, an Ivy League haircut, and a cleft chin. As a result I believe most people attribute greater qualities to me than the ones I actually possess. I'm not sure how to explain to them that their perceptions are incorrect (even though by definition perception is predicated on bias)- that I have made mistakes, that I have learned tough life lessons from my experiences, and that there are many imperfections behind this 'good face'. In many ways it's these many imperfections and experiences, I suppose, that makes one 'real'. Looking back, by not seeking a definition, I've come to realize and accept who I am. In my intensity, I managed to find a measure of harmony.

Perhaps some of these girls are at a stage where they reassess their life's path and evaluate the choices they've made. Perhaps some of them have more than a tinge of regret. I have always had great empathy for the human element, and I genuinely feel for those who haven't found harmony in their lives. Perhaps the best way to help is what I've done all along? Listen and help them understand: everything will be alright. Reassuring words, that are soothing for anyone to hear. And I pray, for their sake, they will eventually find the answers that will erase their anguish. I guess some qualities of the 'good face' may be true after all.