Confucius Say...

I realize these are lame, but I've always found them funny/amusing:

1. Confucius say, panties not best thing on earth, but next to it
5. Confucius say, war not determine who right. War determine who left
13. Confucius say, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day long
18. Confucius say, man who run behind bus get exhausted
24. Confucius say, man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy
26. Confucius say, man who sleep in bed of nails is holy
32. Confucius say, to meet girl in park is good, but to park 'meet' in girl is better
35. Confucius say, man who live in glass house, should change in basement
40. Confucius say, man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion
60. Confucius say, two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn
70. Confucius say, man who put cream in tart, not always baker
75. Confucius say, support bacteria - is only culture some people have
81. Confucius say, man piss in wind, wind piss back
98. Confucius say, man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money
100. Confucius say, itchy butt at night, smelly finger in morning