Childhood Friend's Evil Wife

Freddy is a childhood friend. From pre-Gulf War I, which in TCK time is ridiculous (given the number of moves etc.). Freddy and his lovely wife, Celica, are in town for a holiday. Celica hates Kal.

Why?

Well a few reasons:

1. Kal is perceived as a bad influence (probably true, but what is she, his mother? Oddly, not far from the oedipal truth)

2. Kal forgot their wedding- yes that is my bad, however my reasons are valid. Having just moved, and busy with travel, I forgot that it was on a Saturday and not a Sunday. Oh they paid $80 for my dinner! OMG $80. Exactly, f9cking whitey thought process.

A couple of years ago I was in DC, attending a conference. I called up Freddy, and as usual, we went out and painted the town red. It was a great night. At some point I told Fred, who was just dating Celica at the time, 'don't sweat the pussy.' Granted, not the most eloquent prose, but it was funny (at the time) and heck that's how guys talk. The next day we exchanged text messages, and Fred said, 'I'm at a fucking pottery class with Celica.' To which I responded, with great wit and timing, 'Dude! Don't sweat the pussy!'. Ha ha right?! WRONG! Fred starts laughing in the middle of the pottery class, Celica snaps Freddy what are you laughing at??! And...Fred SHOWS HER MY TEXT MESSAGE. Yes friends, that was it. The nail in the proverbial coffin. Since then I've been a charter member of Celica's Nixonian Hate List, persona non grata, public enemy #1!

Of course, it doesn't help that me, or any of the core friends (known as The OBGs) don't really like her. And it's not unjustified. Time and again she's shown her overwhelming focus on money i.e. basically being cheap. What's worse she's made him all cheapy and money-sensitive as well; the whole gang of us have gone out, when the bill comes they are the first to grab at it and calculate their 'share'. Let's make sure we split that equally because X had an extra drink! OMG that'll be like $3 more than what we should pay!

Look such money-minded behavior is seen as unbecoming, and somewhat crass. Having grown up with Arabs for most of my life, I can honestly state that they are some of the most generous, classy, and loving people I have ever met. Perhaps, I haven't been able to completely articulate the dynamic clearly, but there just many subtle cultural nuances that you would only understand having been part of that way of life.

Anyways getting back to the story at hand! Sorry for the detour, but it provides much needed context. So I meet them for coffee and general meandering around Stanford Mall (the greatest university in the world is bounded on one end by a highway and the other by a mall- yes only in America). Celica would conveniently shop, while Fred and I could hang out and chill. Their plan was to spend a week at a beach house about 90 minutes outside of SF (which is incredibly picturesque). At the end of the afternoon, I'm getting ready to leave and Fred invites me to the beach house to hang out, before the words are even out of his mouth...well the exchange went like this:

Fred
Dude you have to come hang at the beach house it'll rock

Kal
(Mumbling some form of yeah we'll see...not that I had any intention of going)

Fred
Yeah dude just come after work or take a day off, we're free in the evenings

Celica
NO FREDDY WE HAVE PLANS

Fred
We do?

Celica
Yeah we have plans all week

I wanted to say. Look you old, fat, ugly ass cow. Chill out. It's not like I was going to hang out with you. I'd rather do laundry and organize my socks. Just have some fucking tact! Jesus! He's inviting me and you're blatantly going on about these mysterious 'plans'. Whatever, it was lame. She's stupid, and he's stupid for having married her.